The new year is a time for fresh starts, reflection, and—let's be honest—a good dose of laughter. While many approach resolutions with solemn determination, a healthy dose of humor can make the process more enjoyable and sustainable. This collection of 99 hilarious New Year's resolutions quotes will inspire you to embrace the absurdity of self-improvement with a smile. Whether you're looking for inspiration for your own resolutions or just a good laugh, you'll find something to tickle your funny bone here.
Funny Resolutions Focused on Self-Improvement
- "My New Year's resolution is to stop making New Year's resolutions."
- "This year, I'm resolving to be less stressed. I'm starting by eliminating the word 'resolution' from my vocabulary."
- "I resolve to eat more vegetables... starting tomorrow."
- "My resolution: to only use 'my bad' instead of 'sorry' because it sounds cooler."
- "New Year, same me... just a slightly more organized, slightly less messy version of the same me."
- "I resolve to finally learn how to parallel park. Maybe in 2025."
- "My New Year's resolution is to be more spontaneous. I'll start by spontaneously deciding to do nothing."
- "This year, I'm resolving to procrastinate less. I'll start tomorrow."
- "I'm resolving to be more assertive... starting after this nap."
- "My resolution: to stop setting unrealistic resolutions."
Funny Resolutions About Food and Drink
- "New Year, new me... who's still going to eat all the cookies."
- "My resolution: to drink more water... unless it's wine."
- "I resolve to only eat healthy foods... at least until the next party."
- "This year, I'm cutting out all the junk food... except for weekends."
- "My New Year's resolution is to finally master the art of making toast without burning it. Wish me luck."
- "I resolve to eat less chocolate... and by less, I mean slightly less."
- "This year, I'm going to try to cook more. I'll start by ordering takeout less often… maybe."
- "My resolution: to always have enough ice cream in the freezer. It's a necessity, not a luxury."
Funny Resolutions About Work and Productivity
- "My New Year's resolution is to be more productive. I'll start by making a list of things to be productive at."
- "I resolve to be less stressed at work. Maybe I'll start by finding a new job."
- "This year, I'm resolving to be more organized at work. Wish me luck."
- "My resolution: to spend less time on social media and more time working. …Starting after this post."
- "I resolve to answer all emails promptly. In approximately six months."
- "This year, I'm aiming for a work-life balance. Is that even possible?"
Funny Resolutions About Relationships and Family
- "My New Year's resolution is to be more patient with my family. Or, at least, to have more wine on hand."
- "I resolve to spend more quality time with my loved ones... after I finish this Netflix series."
- "This year, I'm resolving to be a better friend. Starting by remembering their birthdays."
- "My resolution: to finally have more meaningful conversations with my cat."
- "I resolve to be less grumpy in the morning. Just kidding."
- "This year, I'm going to learn to say 'no' more often. Unless it's pizza."
Funny Resolutions About Exercise and Fitness
- "My New Year's resolution is to exercise more. I'll start by walking to the refrigerator."
- "I resolve to go to the gym more often. I've already signed up... for the membership."
- "This year, I'm resolving to run a marathon. Maybe a very short one."
- "My resolution: to do more yoga. At least, I'll try to find some time between eating cookies."
- "I resolve to finally find a workout routine I actually enjoy. Maybe it will involve eating."
- "This year, I’m going to try to get in shape. Does counting pizza slices count?"
- "My resolution: to become a fitness guru… by watching fitness gurus on YouTube."
Funny Resolutions About Finances
- "My New Year's resolution is to save more money. Starting… after this sale."
- "I resolve to be more financially responsible. Just kidding. Let's go shopping!"
- "This year, I'm resolving to pay off my debts. After I buy this new phone."
- "My resolution: to invest wisely... I’ll start by researching the best deals on Amazon Prime."
- "I resolve to track my spending more carefully... in theory."
Funny Resolutions About Personal Growth
- "My New Year's resolution is to learn a new skill. I'm thinking advanced napping."
- "I resolve to read more books. I'll start by downloading the Kindle app."
- "This year, I'm resolving to be more organized. I'll start by organizing my to-do list of organizing tasks."
- "My resolution: to become more confident. I'll start by faking it 'til I make it."
- "I resolve to finally learn a new language… maybe next year."
- "This year, I’m going to work on my creativity. I’ll start by brainstorming creative excuses for not doing my chores."
Self-Deprecating & Relatable Resolutions
- "My New Year's resolution is to stop making excuses. Except for this one."
- "I resolve to be more punctual. Starting… eventually."
- "This year, I'm resolving to be less of a procrastinator. I'll start... later."
- "My resolution: to sleep more. That's achievable, right?"
- "I resolve to become a better listener. I'll practice by listening to my favorite songs more often."
- "This year, I'm going to be kinder to myself. Maybe. We'll see."
- "My resolution: to not judge people who make resolutions they don't keep."
Resolutions Focusing on Happiness and Mindfulness
- "My New Year's resolution is to be happier. Step one: buy more ice cream."
- "I resolve to practice more mindfulness. I'll start by being mindful of my ice cream intake."
- "This year, I'm resolving to worry less. I'll just put it off until next year."
- "My resolution: to find more joy in everyday moments. Like, finding a $20 bill in my old jeans."
- "I resolve to be more positive. That sounds exhausting."
Sarcastic and Ironic Resolutions
- "My New Year's resolution is to finally understand quantum physics. Wish me luck."
- "I resolve to win the lottery. That's realistic, right?"
- "This year, I'm resolving to solve world hunger. I'll start by ordering extra takeout."
- "My resolution: to learn how to fly. With the help of a really powerful hairdryer, of course."
- "I resolve to speak fluent Klingon. It's on my bucket list."
Resolutions for the Tech-Savvy
- "My New Year's resolution is to finally understand how to use this smart TV."
- "I resolve to stop checking my phone before bed. It's a joke, right?"
- "This year, I'm resolving to be less addicted to social media. Maybe in 2025."
- "My resolution: to learn how to code. I’ll start by finding a really fun coding game."
- "I resolve to update my software regularly... eventually."
Short and Sweet Funny Resolutions
- "More naps."
- "Less stress."
- "More wine."
- "Less drama."
- "More adventures."
- "More laughter."
- "Less debt."
- "More cuddles."
- "Less worry."
- "More kindness."
Animal-Themed Funny Resolutions
- "My New Year's Resolution is to be more like a cat: nap more and be indifferent to human problems."
- "I resolve to be more like a dog: excited to see everyone, even the mailman."
- "This year, I'm resolving to be more like a sloth: slow and steady, and occasionally very happy."
- "My resolution: To be as graceful as a giraffe... or at least try."
- "I resolve to be as wise as an owl... and sleep as much as one too."
Unique and Unexpected Resolutions
- "My New Year's resolution is to learn to juggle chainsaws. (Not really)."
- "I resolve to conquer my fear of public speaking... by joining a karaoke bar."
- "This year, I'm resolving to learn Morse code. Just because."
- "My resolution: to master the art of origami. Maybe I'll start with a simple crane."
- "I resolve to learn how to play the bagpipes. My neighbors will love it."
Meta Resolutions About Resolutions
- "My New Year's resolution is to make realistic New Year's resolutions."
- "I resolve to stick to my resolutions... mostly."
- "This year, I'm resolving to celebrate my progress, not just my perfection."
- "My resolution: to forgive myself for not sticking to my resolutions."
Concluding Funny Resolutions
- "My New Year's resolution is to have more fun this year. And less stress. And maybe more cake."
- "I resolve to embrace the chaos and enjoy the ride."
- "This year, I'm resolving to make memories, not just resolutions."
- "My resolution: to be myself, even if it's a little messy."
- "I resolve to laugh often and love much."
This list provides a fun and diverse range of humorous resolutions. Remember, the key is to find resolutions that resonate with you and bring a smile to your face. Happy New Year!
Frequently Asked Questions (PAA)
What are some funny New Year's resolutions for couples?
Many of the resolutions above are easily adaptable for couples! For instance, "I resolve to spend more quality time with my loved ones... after I finish this Netflix series," could become, "We resolve to have a weekly date night… after we finish this Netflix series." Other ideas include: "We resolve to try a new restaurant each month," or "We resolve to learn a new dance together." The fun lies in finding shared goals and making them humorous.
What are some good New Year's resolutions to improve mental health?
While many of the above are humorous, several touch upon mental health implicitly. Resolutions focusing on less stress, more mindfulness, more laughter, and more kindness to oneself are all excellent steps toward improved mental well-being. Remember to be kind to yourself throughout the process, and celebrate small victories.
What are the most common New Year's resolutions?
Common resolutions often revolve around health, fitness, and personal improvement. They frequently include losing weight, exercising more, eating healthier, quitting smoking, saving money, and managing stress. However, the humor in this list highlights the challenge of maintaining these common resolutions, making them more relatable and less daunting.
How can I make my New Year's resolutions more achievable?
Break down large goals into smaller, manageable steps. Set realistic expectations and don’t be afraid to adjust your resolutions along the way. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and focus on consistency rather than perfection. And, most importantly, inject humor into the process to keep things fun and sustainable!
